This isn't the first video I've seen of a guy cumming without touching himself, but I'm still kind of confused. How exactly is this accomplished? Does it feel just like any other orgasm? And how does he do it 3 times in a row?
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The Male Hormonal Cycle
I've heard about the male hormonal cycle before. It seems only fair that since women go through it, men should too. But aside from Major Sperm Blockage (MSB) jokes, it's a difficult topic to find any real information on it. This is the best I could do. If any men would like to track their hormones, I'd be forever grateful.
The Male Hormonal Cycle
The Male Period
The Male Hormonal Cycle
The Male Period
Monday, July 28, 2008
Lo Zombi 2
"Porn is the most political form of fiction, dealing with how we use and exploit each other in the more urgent and ruthless way."
~ J G Ballard
This made me gag twice and I had to look away towards the end.
~ J G Ballard
This made me gag twice and I had to look away towards the end.
Top 10 Reasons to Have Sex Tonight
10. You can brag about it to your friends tomorrow.
9. It's by far the most fun and enjoyable form of exercise.
8. Skin on skin contact always feels good.
7. Fresh masturbation fantasy material.
6. Is there a bigger self esteem boost than hearing someone breathlessly cry out your name?
5. It's just not the same when you suck your own toes.
4. That mysterious post-sex glow will act like a magnet, drawing in more potential future sex partners.
3. Your "haven't had sex since" counter will get reset to zero.
2. If you're lucky, you'll get to share an orgasm with another person in person. You know, instead of in your imagination.
1. Because I need to get laid.
Inspired by this bunk list.
9. It's by far the most fun and enjoyable form of exercise.
8. Skin on skin contact always feels good.
7. Fresh masturbation fantasy material.
6. Is there a bigger self esteem boost than hearing someone breathlessly cry out your name?
5. It's just not the same when you suck your own toes.
4. That mysterious post-sex glow will act like a magnet, drawing in more potential future sex partners.
3. Your "haven't had sex since" counter will get reset to zero.
2. If you're lucky, you'll get to share an orgasm with another person in person. You know, instead of in your imagination.
1. Because I need to get laid.
Inspired by this bunk list.
Orgasm in a Cup
How to Describe a Chai Tea Latte
it's hot it's sexy, it's warm in your belly,
it's spicy it's creamy, it's ever so dreamy,
It's sweet it's sublime, there's no denying,
its an orgasm in a cup
Nine Inch Nails - Closer
I remember when this video used to be cool. Sucks ass now. But the song still contains the best lyric ever - I want to fuck you like an animal.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
there once was a guy named dave
there once was a guy named dave
he loved to rub my cave
he put his nuts on my bum
and made me cum
it was a rather soggy adventure
~ KD
he loved to rub my cave
he put his nuts on my bum
and made me cum
it was a rather soggy adventure
~ KD
Global Orgasm Day
Sure, it's nearly 5 months away, but this cause deserves some attention. Plus, it can't hurt to start practicing now.
WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.
WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.
WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)
WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.
More info: Global Orgasm Day
WHO? All Men and Women, you and everyone you know.
WHERE? Everywhere in the world, but especially in countries with weapons of mass destruction and places where violence is used in place of mediation.
WHEN? Solstice Day - December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)
WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.
More info: Global Orgasm Day
A Guide to My Sex Drive
I've been paying a lot of attention to my sex drive since I stopped taking hormonal birth control. My cycle is somewhere in the 38-40 day range as opposed to the "typical" 28 days.
Disclaimer: All days are approximate.
Day 1-2: The first two days that I have my period, I want to fuck almost constantly (with short breaks for chocolate). All of my nerves are awake down there, so I'm more sensitive. I want to be fucked deeply, slowly, and intensely with lots of grinding, but make no mistake about it - I want to get fucked.
Day 3-5: My period is more of an annoyance that anything else.
Day 6-24: Things are pretty normal. Just my typical high sex drive.
Day 25-26: When I ovulate, I want to fuck six ways to Sunday. This is when I'm at my most... carnal.
Day 27: This day could go either way. I might want to keep up the dirty streak or I might want to go in the completely opposite direction.
Day 28-36: Normal again.
Day 37-39: I generally don't get PMS, but it is possible that I might take an innocent comment the wrong way. This is when my sex drive is the lowest.
Day 40: The day right before I get my period, I become insatiable, but I can't be bothered with cuddling.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Subspace
I was thinking about subspace a while ago. It's not something the average person knows about. It's the mind frame of a submissive during true, full submission. I've elected not to make any personal comments, but I did dig up some good info.
Vintage
These women speak for themselves.
The song is Glory Box by Portishead. I've loved this song for well over 10 years and I never get sick of it. It would definitely make it into my top 10 favorite songs of all time.
The song is Glory Box by Portishead. I've loved this song for well over 10 years and I never get sick of it. It would definitely make it into my top 10 favorite songs of all time.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Simply Stunning
A perfect kitty, a gorgeous bum, creamy smooth skin, and delicate hands. Breathtaking.
P.S. I have the 2nd toy she uses and I highly recommend it.
P.S. I have the 2nd toy she uses and I highly recommend it.
Impressive
No blog about sex could ever be complete without mentioning Heather Harmon (aka Heather Brooke). Man, that woman has got skills!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Just saying no
"Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression."
~ Faye Wattleton
~ Faye Wattleton
Sexy Ganja
I was running low on lube a couple of weeks ago, and concerned with lube ingredients and exactly what I was putting in my vagina, I decided to skip the other bottles with the fancy packaging and purchased a tube of Sexy Ganja personal lubricant. In terms of ingredients, this stuff probably isn't really that much better than any of the other brands, but damn, I like it! It's got a smoother, thinner texture and is much more similar to my own natural lubrication than any other lube I've tried. It also stayed "wet" longer, was relatively tasteless (yes, I licked my fingers just to find out), and cleaned up easily. I give it two thumbs up!
Makeup
I have a thing for makeup. I like to put it on men. It could be as little as eyeliner and mascara, or it could be a full face. I take a couple of pictures and then he gets to take it off. I'll never show his friends the pictures and it won't compromise his masculinity.
I'm really not sure what I think about this
On one hand, I'm wondering why all the women sound the same. And why are so many women fucking at nearly the same tempo? Could there not be a little more variation? But on the other hand, I think it would be hot to fuck in a room full of people who are also fucking.
I had a dream last night
I was naked in the passenger seat of a man's car. His car was black, 80's, small, and dirty. He gave me a creepy vibe, but I needed him to drive me up a hill. I was overwhelmingly horny and I couldn't keep my hands off my pussy. It was throbbing, swollen, and red, and my thighs, ass, and the seat of the car were all drenched in my pussy juice. I looked over at the man and although I felt creeped out, I couldn't stop massaging my pussy lips.
Suddenly, my legs were being held apart by some blue plastic attached to the man's car. There was a piece of hard plastic shoved right up against my pussy and the vibrations from the car were forcing it to rub and vibrate between my lips. I tried to put my fingers between the plastic and my clit, but it only made my fingers vibrate and I nearly orgasmed. I looked over at the man and pleaded with him to make it stop, but he said that if he stopped, I'd have to walk the rest of the way up the hill. The man told me that he only had a 1 inch penis and that if I wanted to orgasm, I was going to have to fuck it.
Next, I was fucking the man in a bed. First he fucked me from behind, but his penis really was only 1 inch long and that made things very difficult. I wanted to orgasm so badly that I got on top of him with his little penis nestled between my pussy lips. I rubbed myself on him and concentrated on not letting him fall out, because if I let that happen, he was going to take his penis away and I wouldn't get to orgasm. Did I mention that I really, really, really wanted to orgasm?
When I woke up I felt kind of ripped off, so I immediately grabbed a pillow and humped it to oblivion.
Suddenly, my legs were being held apart by some blue plastic attached to the man's car. There was a piece of hard plastic shoved right up against my pussy and the vibrations from the car were forcing it to rub and vibrate between my lips. I tried to put my fingers between the plastic and my clit, but it only made my fingers vibrate and I nearly orgasmed. I looked over at the man and pleaded with him to make it stop, but he said that if he stopped, I'd have to walk the rest of the way up the hill. The man told me that he only had a 1 inch penis and that if I wanted to orgasm, I was going to have to fuck it.
Next, I was fucking the man in a bed. First he fucked me from behind, but his penis really was only 1 inch long and that made things very difficult. I wanted to orgasm so badly that I got on top of him with his little penis nestled between my pussy lips. I rubbed myself on him and concentrated on not letting him fall out, because if I let that happen, he was going to take his penis away and I wouldn't get to orgasm. Did I mention that I really, really, really wanted to orgasm?
When I woke up I felt kind of ripped off, so I immediately grabbed a pillow and humped it to oblivion.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The only difference
"The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes."
~ Scott Roeben
~ Scott Roeben
Cornstarch
Yes, cornstarch. A friend recently clued me in on this erotic item lurking in kitchen cupboards everywhere. Just dust a little cornstarch on your partner's skin, making it very smooth and silky to the touch. If you want to avoid a mess, you can lay down a sheet or a towel first. It's so simple and sensual, and yet I never would have thought of it. Thanks K!
My Pleasure
This website has it all! They have Q & A and articles on everything from oral sex, anal sex, and fetishes to massage, lubrication, romance, and disabilities, as well as a guide to sex toys (which they also sell), quizzes, polls, and humor. My Pleasure
If you want to fuck my ass
I know this guy says he's got it covered so you don't have to perform your own experimentation, but I disagree. I'm not a porn star and if you want to fuck my ass, I think you should try something similar. Of course you're entitled to your own opinion, but don't come knocking at my back door if you're unwilling to give it a try yourself. It's only fair. Craigslist: There's a Banana in the Tailpipe
best of craigslist > washington, DC > There's A Banana In The Tailpipe Originally Posted: Thu, 21 Dec 16:20 EST
Date: 2006-12-21, 4:20PM EST
Ok, so here's a "I just feel the need to share this with someone (I obviously can't tell anyone I know)" post. The story needs to be told . . .
Since my wife shows an interest in sex extremely infrequently (you wouldn't guess it by our three kids), I have been largely left to my own devices over the years. Sometimes I get . . . well, you know . . . curious.
(BTW, will someone please explain to me what the deal is with all the wives out there -- mine in particular -- who love sex until a few years into a marriage? Please, please unlock this mystery for me. Yes, I want to keep things new (please again). And yes, I want to experiment - quite desperately in fact. And oh, how I love to eat that kitty cat. Simply love it. Oh, but wait, what's that you say? All you want to do is missionary? And you don't really want foreplay? Well, shoot, I guess I'll have to say I'm down with that, too, especially when given the alternative of the fabulous Ms. Rosie Palm. But _no_ sex? Oh, sorry, I mean once a month? (I count once a month as possibly more torturous than none at all.) Well, Ow, you're standing on my manhood. And while you're at it, _please_ explain exactly wtf is up with being all kissy and flirty and pressing all up against me . . . when we are anywhere _but_ the bedroom? That makes me mental! It's like whispering into my ear, "Oh, honey, I can't wait to take you to the Promised Land." Then you blindfold me, tell me you're taking me to the airport, and then, when you remove the blindfold and I see we're on a bus headed for Cleveland, you say with surprise: "What Promised Land?")
Anyway, back to my curiosity. One of the things Ive been curious about is those pornstars. I'll let you know that I make it a point not to buy porn -- those internet trailers offer up plenty for my humble needs. But even so, I can't help but feel some guilt about those poor, exploited pornstars. They're people too. (Of course, the guilt typically doesn't set in, at least not in any sort of cogent sense, until after I've gotten my rocks off to the freebies they star in.)
(Ok, a second tangent: Guys, I know you know what I'm talking about here since I know you all beat off -- maybe there's 5% of you don't feel the need to master your domain, but from you I seek the same information that my wife (and around 90% of other wives, based on the posts I've seen) evidently also possess: wtf is the deal? But back to my tangent -- ladies, if you're married and you two aren't having sex (again, once a month does not count), I need to tell you something: when your hubbie goes off to "check on some work stuff" or "send some emails" or "fix the computer," especially if he does this after crawling in bed and realizing that yet again he isn't getting any, guess what he's doing? He's slappin' it, just like me. Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty (you're not a bad wife and can't control your desires any more than he can), and don't feel mad. At the very least, feel glad that he's not out there on the prowl. But again, don't feel bad; he's been working his nightstick since long before you met him and it's nothing personal.)
Back to the pornstars. I confess, I've rubbed one out more than once as some hot chick plays hide the salami in the back door. Moaning in passion, she seems like she's en fuego, I mean, she seems to _really_ be enjoying herself. But is she? Is it possible to enjoy having a massive ramrod jammed repeatedly, though perhaps not with complete abandon, up your ass? I dunno. Sometimes they bounce up and down on that thing like a pogo stick, shuddering in apparent orgasm. But the physics of it . . . makes it hard to tell. And you have to keep in mind those pornstars are pretty good at pretending to have orgasms.
Well, as someone who has some scruples about the whole thing -- and, as I say, ample time for solo experimentation -- I decided that before I would ever again take pleasure in what could potentially be the coerced suffering of another human being, I would find out if this really was a from of torture, and if so, no mas! That's right, no more porn for me, since most of it seems to involve anal these days (go figure). Of course, I had to carve out a small exception for those BDSM chicks who get off on spanking, bondage, and electroshock nipple twisting while getting hammered by some dude in a Hannibal Lecter mask. I will still beat off to them no matter how this experiment turns out.
Hmmm, I thought, Now how am I going to go about finding out what it feels like to have a big, long, wide thing stuck in my butt? The obvious answer is right here on CL, but I wasn't about to go on m4m and get pummelled by some burly buttmaster. Too scary. Plus, I'm married and that would be cheating. You'll note that I could have bypassed this whole porn dilemma altogether by just going out and getting laid, but decided (uh, when I got married) that I'm not going to do that. So how about a cucumber? We didn't have any. Plus, those things are pretty big. Even bigger than pornstar dicks. But wouldn't you know it, there was a whole bowl full of bananas right there next to the sink. I sized them up and, being intimately familiar with the size and heft of my johnson in my hand, I got one that was just a bit bigger than my own tallywhacker. I figured that proportion-wise, I should pick one bigger than my own unit because those pornstars are typically getting nailed by people bigger than them, so in all fairness -- and if this experiment was really going to be worth anything -- I too should get nailed by a banana bigger than me.
I went upstairs and got one of the Magnum condoms from my beside drawer. Yes, those Magnums, For Extra Size. Back in the long-lost days of sex, a girlfriend and I realized that the regular size didn't go all the way down to the base, and it really should for absolute protection. I've been a Magnum man ever since. And did you know condoms have an expiration date? Well, to illustrate the time over which my robust sexuality had been repressed to the point where I was planning to shove a banana up my ass in order to jack off with a clear conscience to women getting banged up the ass, these babies were a couple years out of date. I mean, sometimes my wife and I do get it on (see the once a month reference above), so that may be misleading. But when we do, we either practice the old pull-out move or use what I now realize is an out-of-date rubber (she's still not back on the pill after number 3). The point is, if your pack of rubbers expires, you're not using 'em fast enough.
So now you see that this bigger-than-me-sized banana meant that I really did have my work cut out for me, what with me being Magnum-sized and all.
(Tangent No. 3: But it's not like I'm some freak of nature or anything. At about 8", I probably don't even need the Magnums, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I spent my younger years so paranoid about knocking up a girlfriend I was determined to unroll that sucker _all_ the _way_ to the _base_. When the condom dudes say "base of the penis," they _mean_ "base of the penis." My Magnums never failed me.)
At this point you might be wondering why I need a rubber in order to shove a banana up my ass. Am I worried about catching some sort of fruity STD? (ha! good one.) Well, number one, rubbers are nice and smooth. And number two they're lubricated. Even Biggus Dickus and the other pornstar ass raiders are kind enough to use lube. So, I lay on my back. I unroll the protection onto my banana. I bring my legs up like a pornstar, and I begin to push it in with an iron grip. Wow, this is cool, I think. Not too bad. I notice that the hard little end of the banana where the peel all comes together is a little uncomfortable, even though it's covered by the latex shield. Even though real dicks don't have a hard, square-edged point at the tip, I reason that it's a fair trade-off since I get to be the one driving this banana and can therefore take my time, whereas the poor little pornstar on whose behalf I'm conducting this experiment is at the mercy of Mr. Dickus, the piledriving stud, or whatever other human jackhammer the "director" scooped up off the street that day.
Slowly, I get it deeper. Then, as I begin to make some real progess, the weirdest thing happens: I begin to feel like a slut. And I like it. My slutty instincts taking over, I realize I need a better angle if I'm going to get this bad boy all the way in me. I roll back onto my shoulders so my ass is sticking straight up and it helps. And of course, this position makes me feel even more slutty. This is weird. This is awesome. I realize that if I was a woman, I would likely be the biggest slut on the planet and I would love it. I strain and grunt, trying to shove this giant banana into my ass. By way of historical context, I will note that I have enjoyed having a few girlfriends who diddled around down there while giving me head (ladies, in case you didn't notice, it felt _good_), and have even done the same while beating off. But this was a whole different ballgame. It hurt. It required serious concentration to keep the door open and relaxed. I began to have some genuine admiration for those pornstars and their amazing sphincter control. And as a result of my competitive nature, I was compelled to get that damn thing in. The more I pushed, the further it moved in, and the sluttier I felt, and the more it hurt.
Now for the next weird twist: as good and slutty as I felt, I had not even the slightest hint of wood. My mellow little buddy, Willie McFloppy, registered zero sexual response whatsoever. Nada. I would have thought that feeling slutty meant I was getting turned on, and that I would reach down there and find a rabidly throbbing Strongus St. Brute, Intrepid Seeker of Ovaries. But nope, just little Willie. So weird. And then a thought crosses my mind: What a ridiculous scene - how fucked up is _this_? I'm lying on my back, jamming a banana with a rubber on it up my ass while my wife is in the next room sleeping.
At that point, I decided my little experiment was a success and called it quits. I made one final plunge, marked the depth with my finger, and removed the banana. As I pulled it out, my sphincter, which had (obviously) been relaxed, involuntarily squeezed together and forcefully ejected that thing, forcing my whole arm to jerk and my elbow to snap due to my firm grip on the would-be projectile. Damn!, I thought, It sure would feel good to bang somebody up the butt if butts can squeeze like _that_. No wonder so many people are trying to tap that ass. I made a mental note to try and find ways to convince my wife that anal sex is great. I'll keep you posted on my progress, buy don't hold your breath (the thunderous parting of the heavens followed by the hand of God reaching down to help little Bobby win his next checkers game against his imaginary friend might serve as an indication that there is actually room in the universe for such a possiblity as my wife wanting to have anal sex). Anyhow, I checked the depth marker of my finger and I'll be damned if I didn't get that sucker 4-5 inches up there. Wow. That was only my first try! I guess I have a future if this whole career thing doesn't work out.
Oh, and I almost forgot: after I pulled it out, it didn't smell bad. Not at all - just latexy. I know this because I smelled it. Why on earth did I do that? I did it as a result of the following reasoning: (1) when I pulled it out, I was still in slut mode and therefore thought, What should I (a slut) do next?; (2) naturally, being in slut mode, I remembered the fact that the pornstars generally will slobber all over the very phallus that has just been deep within their butts immediately after removal; (3) stop that train! Slut mode or no, slobbering all over the banana that I just pulled out of my own butt was absolutely and completely beyond consideration -- sure, I've reamed girls while eating them out (some to their delight, others to their dismayed shock as their knees slam together and effectively box my ears) -- but this was just too gross, too demeaning . . . even I have standards (and if a guy who just shoved a banana up his ass thinks something's too demeaning, that's saying something); (4) I figured I could find out how bad it must taste just by giving it a little sniff (did you know 90% or so of your taste is actually what you smell?). The end result: not so nasty after all, just latexy and a little funky. Still, no way in hell was I going to put a butt plunger in my mouth.
Buuut, now that the whole fellatio train of thought was yelling "all aboard," I decided I ought to jump on. Lord knows I've busted to the sight of those poor little pornstars performing that neat trick of going balls deep, so I might as well be a man of the people in that regard as well. With that in mind, I peeled off the condom and decided to try and deep throat my banana, sans jus d'booty. And I got that thing pretty much all the way in - way further than I got it up my ass! The little hard part at the end irritated my throat a little (the "I'm driving this banana" rationale was equally applicable here, I thought), but I was able to suppress my gag reflex easily enough and really get after it. Viola! Now I won't feel so bad beating off to deep throaters either! Success on all fronts! So fellas, you can put down your bananas, cucumbers, electric toothbrush handles, remote controls, travel shampoo bottles, or whatever else you can think of: I've got this one covered. You're clear for takeoff; fire at will.
Of course, my experiment only covers the purely physical aspect of things, not the emotional scarring of being objectified and treated like crap, the financial ripping off that surely goes on and gets the porn-site producers rich, and not to mention a whole slew of other stuff. But hey, I'm not Superman. I'm just a man with a sense of decency and fairness and a good imagination. And besides, they don't make any money off those trailers I watch for free.
So what's the upshot of this little caper I pulled off? What does it all mean, beyond the fact that pornstars may well enjoy anal sex, or least are likely not being tortured? What does it mean for me on a personal, psychological, emotional level? Shhheeeiiiit. Fucked if I know.
best of craigslist > washington, DC > There's A Banana In The Tailpipe Originally Posted: Thu, 21 Dec 16:20 EST
There's A Banana In The Tailpipe
Date: 2006-12-21, 4:20PM EST
Ok, so here's a "I just feel the need to share this with someone (I obviously can't tell anyone I know)" post. The story needs to be told . . .
Since my wife shows an interest in sex extremely infrequently (you wouldn't guess it by our three kids), I have been largely left to my own devices over the years. Sometimes I get . . . well, you know . . . curious.
(BTW, will someone please explain to me what the deal is with all the wives out there -- mine in particular -- who love sex until a few years into a marriage? Please, please unlock this mystery for me. Yes, I want to keep things new (please again). And yes, I want to experiment - quite desperately in fact. And oh, how I love to eat that kitty cat. Simply love it. Oh, but wait, what's that you say? All you want to do is missionary? And you don't really want foreplay? Well, shoot, I guess I'll have to say I'm down with that, too, especially when given the alternative of the fabulous Ms. Rosie Palm. But _no_ sex? Oh, sorry, I mean once a month? (I count once a month as possibly more torturous than none at all.) Well, Ow, you're standing on my manhood. And while you're at it, _please_ explain exactly wtf is up with being all kissy and flirty and pressing all up against me . . . when we are anywhere _but_ the bedroom? That makes me mental! It's like whispering into my ear, "Oh, honey, I can't wait to take you to the Promised Land." Then you blindfold me, tell me you're taking me to the airport, and then, when you remove the blindfold and I see we're on a bus headed for Cleveland, you say with surprise: "What Promised Land?")
Anyway, back to my curiosity. One of the things Ive been curious about is those pornstars. I'll let you know that I make it a point not to buy porn -- those internet trailers offer up plenty for my humble needs. But even so, I can't help but feel some guilt about those poor, exploited pornstars. They're people too. (Of course, the guilt typically doesn't set in, at least not in any sort of cogent sense, until after I've gotten my rocks off to the freebies they star in.)
(Ok, a second tangent: Guys, I know you know what I'm talking about here since I know you all beat off -- maybe there's 5% of you don't feel the need to master your domain, but from you I seek the same information that my wife (and around 90% of other wives, based on the posts I've seen) evidently also possess: wtf is the deal? But back to my tangent -- ladies, if you're married and you two aren't having sex (again, once a month does not count), I need to tell you something: when your hubbie goes off to "check on some work stuff" or "send some emails" or "fix the computer," especially if he does this after crawling in bed and realizing that yet again he isn't getting any, guess what he's doing? He's slappin' it, just like me. Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty (you're not a bad wife and can't control your desires any more than he can), and don't feel mad. At the very least, feel glad that he's not out there on the prowl. But again, don't feel bad; he's been working his nightstick since long before you met him and it's nothing personal.)
Back to the pornstars. I confess, I've rubbed one out more than once as some hot chick plays hide the salami in the back door. Moaning in passion, she seems like she's en fuego, I mean, she seems to _really_ be enjoying herself. But is she? Is it possible to enjoy having a massive ramrod jammed repeatedly, though perhaps not with complete abandon, up your ass? I dunno. Sometimes they bounce up and down on that thing like a pogo stick, shuddering in apparent orgasm. But the physics of it . . . makes it hard to tell. And you have to keep in mind those pornstars are pretty good at pretending to have orgasms.
Well, as someone who has some scruples about the whole thing -- and, as I say, ample time for solo experimentation -- I decided that before I would ever again take pleasure in what could potentially be the coerced suffering of another human being, I would find out if this really was a from of torture, and if so, no mas! That's right, no more porn for me, since most of it seems to involve anal these days (go figure). Of course, I had to carve out a small exception for those BDSM chicks who get off on spanking, bondage, and electroshock nipple twisting while getting hammered by some dude in a Hannibal Lecter mask. I will still beat off to them no matter how this experiment turns out.
Hmmm, I thought, Now how am I going to go about finding out what it feels like to have a big, long, wide thing stuck in my butt? The obvious answer is right here on CL, but I wasn't about to go on m4m and get pummelled by some burly buttmaster. Too scary. Plus, I'm married and that would be cheating. You'll note that I could have bypassed this whole porn dilemma altogether by just going out and getting laid, but decided (uh, when I got married) that I'm not going to do that. So how about a cucumber? We didn't have any. Plus, those things are pretty big. Even bigger than pornstar dicks. But wouldn't you know it, there was a whole bowl full of bananas right there next to the sink. I sized them up and, being intimately familiar with the size and heft of my johnson in my hand, I got one that was just a bit bigger than my own tallywhacker. I figured that proportion-wise, I should pick one bigger than my own unit because those pornstars are typically getting nailed by people bigger than them, so in all fairness -- and if this experiment was really going to be worth anything -- I too should get nailed by a banana bigger than me.
I went upstairs and got one of the Magnum condoms from my beside drawer. Yes, those Magnums, For Extra Size. Back in the long-lost days of sex, a girlfriend and I realized that the regular size didn't go all the way down to the base, and it really should for absolute protection. I've been a Magnum man ever since. And did you know condoms have an expiration date? Well, to illustrate the time over which my robust sexuality had been repressed to the point where I was planning to shove a banana up my ass in order to jack off with a clear conscience to women getting banged up the ass, these babies were a couple years out of date. I mean, sometimes my wife and I do get it on (see the once a month reference above), so that may be misleading. But when we do, we either practice the old pull-out move or use what I now realize is an out-of-date rubber (she's still not back on the pill after number 3). The point is, if your pack of rubbers expires, you're not using 'em fast enough.
So now you see that this bigger-than-me-sized banana meant that I really did have my work cut out for me, what with me being Magnum-sized and all.
(Tangent No. 3: But it's not like I'm some freak of nature or anything. At about 8", I probably don't even need the Magnums, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I spent my younger years so paranoid about knocking up a girlfriend I was determined to unroll that sucker _all_ the _way_ to the _base_. When the condom dudes say "base of the penis," they _mean_ "base of the penis." My Magnums never failed me.)
At this point you might be wondering why I need a rubber in order to shove a banana up my ass. Am I worried about catching some sort of fruity STD? (ha! good one.) Well, number one, rubbers are nice and smooth. And number two they're lubricated. Even Biggus Dickus and the other pornstar ass raiders are kind enough to use lube. So, I lay on my back. I unroll the protection onto my banana. I bring my legs up like a pornstar, and I begin to push it in with an iron grip. Wow, this is cool, I think. Not too bad. I notice that the hard little end of the banana where the peel all comes together is a little uncomfortable, even though it's covered by the latex shield. Even though real dicks don't have a hard, square-edged point at the tip, I reason that it's a fair trade-off since I get to be the one driving this banana and can therefore take my time, whereas the poor little pornstar on whose behalf I'm conducting this experiment is at the mercy of Mr. Dickus, the piledriving stud, or whatever other human jackhammer the "director" scooped up off the street that day.
Slowly, I get it deeper. Then, as I begin to make some real progess, the weirdest thing happens: I begin to feel like a slut. And I like it. My slutty instincts taking over, I realize I need a better angle if I'm going to get this bad boy all the way in me. I roll back onto my shoulders so my ass is sticking straight up and it helps. And of course, this position makes me feel even more slutty. This is weird. This is awesome. I realize that if I was a woman, I would likely be the biggest slut on the planet and I would love it. I strain and grunt, trying to shove this giant banana into my ass. By way of historical context, I will note that I have enjoyed having a few girlfriends who diddled around down there while giving me head (ladies, in case you didn't notice, it felt _good_), and have even done the same while beating off. But this was a whole different ballgame. It hurt. It required serious concentration to keep the door open and relaxed. I began to have some genuine admiration for those pornstars and their amazing sphincter control. And as a result of my competitive nature, I was compelled to get that damn thing in. The more I pushed, the further it moved in, and the sluttier I felt, and the more it hurt.
Now for the next weird twist: as good and slutty as I felt, I had not even the slightest hint of wood. My mellow little buddy, Willie McFloppy, registered zero sexual response whatsoever. Nada. I would have thought that feeling slutty meant I was getting turned on, and that I would reach down there and find a rabidly throbbing Strongus St. Brute, Intrepid Seeker of Ovaries. But nope, just little Willie. So weird. And then a thought crosses my mind: What a ridiculous scene - how fucked up is _this_? I'm lying on my back, jamming a banana with a rubber on it up my ass while my wife is in the next room sleeping.
At that point, I decided my little experiment was a success and called it quits. I made one final plunge, marked the depth with my finger, and removed the banana. As I pulled it out, my sphincter, which had (obviously) been relaxed, involuntarily squeezed together and forcefully ejected that thing, forcing my whole arm to jerk and my elbow to snap due to my firm grip on the would-be projectile. Damn!, I thought, It sure would feel good to bang somebody up the butt if butts can squeeze like _that_. No wonder so many people are trying to tap that ass. I made a mental note to try and find ways to convince my wife that anal sex is great. I'll keep you posted on my progress, buy don't hold your breath (the thunderous parting of the heavens followed by the hand of God reaching down to help little Bobby win his next checkers game against his imaginary friend might serve as an indication that there is actually room in the universe for such a possiblity as my wife wanting to have anal sex). Anyhow, I checked the depth marker of my finger and I'll be damned if I didn't get that sucker 4-5 inches up there. Wow. That was only my first try! I guess I have a future if this whole career thing doesn't work out.
Oh, and I almost forgot: after I pulled it out, it didn't smell bad. Not at all - just latexy. I know this because I smelled it. Why on earth did I do that? I did it as a result of the following reasoning: (1) when I pulled it out, I was still in slut mode and therefore thought, What should I (a slut) do next?; (2) naturally, being in slut mode, I remembered the fact that the pornstars generally will slobber all over the very phallus that has just been deep within their butts immediately after removal; (3) stop that train! Slut mode or no, slobbering all over the banana that I just pulled out of my own butt was absolutely and completely beyond consideration -- sure, I've reamed girls while eating them out (some to their delight, others to their dismayed shock as their knees slam together and effectively box my ears) -- but this was just too gross, too demeaning . . . even I have standards (and if a guy who just shoved a banana up his ass thinks something's too demeaning, that's saying something); (4) I figured I could find out how bad it must taste just by giving it a little sniff (did you know 90% or so of your taste is actually what you smell?). The end result: not so nasty after all, just latexy and a little funky. Still, no way in hell was I going to put a butt plunger in my mouth.
Buuut, now that the whole fellatio train of thought was yelling "all aboard," I decided I ought to jump on. Lord knows I've busted to the sight of those poor little pornstars performing that neat trick of going balls deep, so I might as well be a man of the people in that regard as well. With that in mind, I peeled off the condom and decided to try and deep throat my banana, sans jus d'booty. And I got that thing pretty much all the way in - way further than I got it up my ass! The little hard part at the end irritated my throat a little (the "I'm driving this banana" rationale was equally applicable here, I thought), but I was able to suppress my gag reflex easily enough and really get after it. Viola! Now I won't feel so bad beating off to deep throaters either! Success on all fronts! So fellas, you can put down your bananas, cucumbers, electric toothbrush handles, remote controls, travel shampoo bottles, or whatever else you can think of: I've got this one covered. You're clear for takeoff; fire at will.
Of course, my experiment only covers the purely physical aspect of things, not the emotional scarring of being objectified and treated like crap, the financial ripping off that surely goes on and gets the porn-site producers rich, and not to mention a whole slew of other stuff. But hey, I'm not Superman. I'm just a man with a sense of decency and fairness and a good imagination. And besides, they don't make any money off those trailers I watch for free.
So what's the upshot of this little caper I pulled off? What does it all mean, beyond the fact that pornstars may well enjoy anal sex, or least are likely not being tortured? What does it mean for me on a personal, psychological, emotional level? Shhheeeiiiit. Fucked if I know.
Soundtrack
Although it has other good points, the thing I like best about this video is the music. Why is all porn not made this way? No disturbing grunts or weird silence. Soundtracks are a good thing, people. Oh, and if you like the song, it's Papau New Guinea (7" Original) by the Future Sounds of London.
I need a new dildo
While I do have a decent toy collection, I've been searching for a new dildo since I bought my last one, but I just can't seem to find what I'm looking for. These are my requirements:
* at least 3 inches in diameter
* only 5-6 insertable inches long
* with balls
* made out of lifelike or jelly material
Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? The problem is that manufacturers seem to think that women (or men) who want to feel stretched by some serious girth also have infinite caverns in place of other internal organs. Not me! So yes, I'd like to pleasure myself with a fat, short, ball bearing, squishy dildo. If you happen to come across any products that might do the trick (dildos! not your own penis!), please let me know.
* at least 3 inches in diameter
* only 5-6 insertable inches long
* with balls
* made out of lifelike or jelly material
Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? The problem is that manufacturers seem to think that women (or men) who want to feel stretched by some serious girth also have infinite caverns in place of other internal organs. Not me! So yes, I'd like to pleasure myself with a fat, short, ball bearing, squishy dildo. If you happen to come across any products that might do the trick (dildos! not your own penis!), please let me know.
Silk
A FRIEND WROTE THIS POEM MANY YEARS AGO AND I'M POSTING IT HERE WITHOUT PERMISSION.
Silk
Cover my eyes with silk
I don't want to see tonight
This shitty little world we live in
is better dark to me
I can touch your skin and hear your voice
I can fuck you without eyes
I can taste your sweet and sour
and I can hold you in the shadows
of a life
in a world
where eyes kill and hurt and lie
and I don't want to see
so cover my eyes with silk
~ AF
Silk
Cover my eyes with silk
I don't want to see tonight
This shitty little world we live in
is better dark to me
I can touch your skin and hear your voice
I can fuck you without eyes
I can taste your sweet and sour
and I can hold you in the shadows
of a life
in a world
where eyes kill and hurt and lie
and I don't want to see
so cover my eyes with silk
~ AF
Monday, July 21, 2008
Literotica
For erotic fiction on every topic imaginable including incest, horror, and celebrities, check out Literotica.
Great Anal Sex
I didn't really get into this until near the end, but then I had to go back and watch it over again.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sex in a Hotel
I've watched this video countless times since I bookmarked it 3 or 4 months ago. It's best without sound, in my opinion.
I love a good spanking
Just the thought of a spanking makes my bum start to tingle with anticipation. Being forced to lay exposed across a man's lap... Feeling the biting sting as his hand makes contact with my white skin... Hearing the sharp cry that escapes my lips... Knowing that my thighs are soon going to be wet with my own juices... Well, you get the picture.
But it really does need to be done properly, so I dug up a few articles on the subject.
But it really does need to be done properly, so I dug up a few articles on the subject.
Oral Sex - An Ode to Love
Penis breath, a lover's dread
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
You bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just when you can't take it anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky stuff
Okay already, that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, you're on your rag
~ Anonymous
Is what you get when you give head
Unpleasant as it tends to be
Be grateful that he doesn't pee
It's times like this, you wonder why
You bothered reaching for his fly
But it's too late, can't be a tease
Accept the facts, get on your knees
You know you've got a job to do
So open wide and shove it through
Lick the tip then take it all
Don't drag your teeth or he might bawl
Slide up and down, use your tongue
And feel the precum start to run
So when the fuck's he gonna cum
Just when you can't take it anymore
You hear your lover's mighty roar
And when he hits that real high note
You feel it oozing down your throat
Salty, fishy, sticky stuff
Okay already, that's enough
Let's switch you say, before you gag
And what revenge, you're on your rag
~ Anonymous
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Start As You Mean To Go On
Start As You Mean To Go On
We all enter this world in the same way
Soaked in blood, screaming and quite bare
But if you live your life in the right way
That kind of thing doesn't have to stop there
The-Clitoris.com
Everything you ever wanted to know about vaginas and more! Really great information about female anatomy, sex, orgasms, and of course, the clitoris. Be sure to read the info on fisting (hidden under miscellaneous information) and anal sex. The-Clitoris.com
My first lesbian fantasy
I was 13 years old and in grade 8. It was an all girls PE class and we were playing volleyball in the gym. With 7-8 players on each team, everyone had to take a turn sitting out for a few minutes.
I had a crush on a girl in the class. She had long blond hair and blue eyes with fair, pink skin and rosy cheeks. If she wore any makeup at all, it was only some clear lip gloss and a single coat of mascara. A air of purity surrounded her and she was always smiling. Her named was Amy E.
So there I was, sitting on the stage, watching the other girls play, and waiting my turn. One of the teams lost control of the ball and it hit the ground. Amy walked towards me, ready to take her turn sitting out. She was smiling, sweaty, lips and cheeks as rosy as ever, and her hair was a little frizzy. I envisioned her pussy - pink, moist, swollen, a bare wisp of blond public hair - and I wanted nothing more than to taste it.
I went out, played my round of volleyball, and returned to the stage. I stared at her legs, her arms, her hair, her skin. I imagined her wearing nothing but her white cotton panties. I thought about slipping my fingers inside her warm, sticky, wet sweetness. I longed to taste her sugary nectar, to suck her swollen lips into my mouth.
This fantasy brought me many orgasms over the years. And perhaps another one right now...
I had a crush on a girl in the class. She had long blond hair and blue eyes with fair, pink skin and rosy cheeks. If she wore any makeup at all, it was only some clear lip gloss and a single coat of mascara. A air of purity surrounded her and she was always smiling. Her named was Amy E.
So there I was, sitting on the stage, watching the other girls play, and waiting my turn. One of the teams lost control of the ball and it hit the ground. Amy walked towards me, ready to take her turn sitting out. She was smiling, sweaty, lips and cheeks as rosy as ever, and her hair was a little frizzy. I envisioned her pussy - pink, moist, swollen, a bare wisp of blond public hair - and I wanted nothing more than to taste it.
I went out, played my round of volleyball, and returned to the stage. I stared at her legs, her arms, her hair, her skin. I imagined her wearing nothing but her white cotton panties. I thought about slipping my fingers inside her warm, sticky, wet sweetness. I longed to taste her sugary nectar, to suck her swollen lips into my mouth.
This fantasy brought me many orgasms over the years. And perhaps another one right now...
To His Coy Mistress
To His Coy Mistress
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
~ Andrew Marvell
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.
Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
~ Andrew Marvell
Hot Orgasm
Stick with me on this one for a minute. You'll be glad you did. And when you get to the end, you'll want to go back and watch it all over again.
sometimes a quickie is great
sometimes a quickie is great
once is a while a girl just needs to be fucked
greedily
once in a while a man just needs a pussy to fuck
hard
fast
deep
just use me and cum inside me
mmm
once in a while
then watch it, leak out of you
if you like
I'm either going to sink to my knees with my mind blown
or scamper off to the bathroom to clean up
or ride my face?
if you want
I do, creampie please
whatever you like
good girl
~ KJ & MB
Fuck me like fried potatoes
FUCK ME LIKE FRIED POTATOES
Fuck me like fried potatoes
on the most beautifully hungry
morning of my God-damn life.
~ Richard Brautigan
Friday, July 18, 2008
Just a Quote About Sex
"Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.”
~ Charles Bukowski
~ Charles Bukowski
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